Life takes a turn
My purpose in creating this blog is to document my emotions and feelings through the course of my teenage daughter's pregnancy. Right now, its been a week since I found out, and I am still numb and in shock. I want to record how I feel, record the events, the ups and downs and all the emotions that go along with the next 8 months. My hope is that I can come here and cry, vent, curse and hopefully praise her also.
My sweet daughter is just 15, still a baby. She is a 4.0 student, part of honor band, so beautiful and accomplished. She wasn't one of "those" girls. This week I started a new job, but I had been working with teen moms and we talked about it regularly. I was so open with her about using birth control if she needed it, because of what I saw with the girls in the home. She assured me over and over that her and T (boyfriend) were not having sex. I trusted her, and that was a huge mistake.
She came to me and said she thought I was pregnant, and I countered it back to her saying "are you pregnant". Tears began to roll down her face. She said that she tested and it was negative, but she couldn't remember her last period. I felt the floor move under my feet, everything was hot and I was so dizzy. I tried to remain so calm . . . I implored her to try to remember what she was doing around the last period. She remembered T leaving for Las Vegas, so that gave us a time zone. Relief . . . she isn't even late yet. The hope persisted for a few days until I realized she was late. Then there was some discussion over whether she had the period *before* he left, or after he came back. . . no real definate dates. She told me, with all seriousness that she could not be pregnant because she "made a deal with God". I told her that was probably the most common deal ever made with God.
Well, she tested, and it was obvious immediatly. She screamed, I cried, T stared blankly at the wall. My older girls (10 and 11) wrapped thier arms around her saying it would be ok, the younger ones (3 and 5) ran through the house yelling "Jaymes having a baby" It was just unreal, I tuned out for a bit. It was sad, I was heartbroken, but not mad, never mad. I don't know why, but I just wasn't mad.
The next few days she talked about all her options, it was whirlwind, up and down, all over the place. My immediate reaction was to terminate, which is odd because I don't like abortion at all, and could never do it myself. However I knew she had to choose her own path, and I had to support her in that. She would say "Mom! Please tell me what to do, and I will do it." However, I never did, this has to be her choice only, so that she owns that choice and doesn't regret it. Too many girls make choices based on what family tells them and I have seen the long term implications of that. I don't want that for my daughter.
Finally her and T went for a drive, and talked for a few hours. They came back resolved to keep and parent the child. It breaks my heart what she is losing, but I support them.
So, here I will journal the ups and downs. I plan to print it all out someday and keep it for her, for someday, maybe. I may just burn it, I may keep it for myself. I just really don't know. I need a place to shout though.
My sweet daughter is just 15, still a baby. She is a 4.0 student, part of honor band, so beautiful and accomplished. She wasn't one of "those" girls. This week I started a new job, but I had been working with teen moms and we talked about it regularly. I was so open with her about using birth control if she needed it, because of what I saw with the girls in the home. She assured me over and over that her and T (boyfriend) were not having sex. I trusted her, and that was a huge mistake.
She came to me and said she thought I was pregnant, and I countered it back to her saying "are you pregnant". Tears began to roll down her face. She said that she tested and it was negative, but she couldn't remember her last period. I felt the floor move under my feet, everything was hot and I was so dizzy. I tried to remain so calm . . . I implored her to try to remember what she was doing around the last period. She remembered T leaving for Las Vegas, so that gave us a time zone. Relief . . . she isn't even late yet. The hope persisted for a few days until I realized she was late. Then there was some discussion over whether she had the period *before* he left, or after he came back. . . no real definate dates. She told me, with all seriousness that she could not be pregnant because she "made a deal with God". I told her that was probably the most common deal ever made with God.
Well, she tested, and it was obvious immediatly. She screamed, I cried, T stared blankly at the wall. My older girls (10 and 11) wrapped thier arms around her saying it would be ok, the younger ones (3 and 5) ran through the house yelling "Jaymes having a baby" It was just unreal, I tuned out for a bit. It was sad, I was heartbroken, but not mad, never mad. I don't know why, but I just wasn't mad.
The next few days she talked about all her options, it was whirlwind, up and down, all over the place. My immediate reaction was to terminate, which is odd because I don't like abortion at all, and could never do it myself. However I knew she had to choose her own path, and I had to support her in that. She would say "Mom! Please tell me what to do, and I will do it." However, I never did, this has to be her choice only, so that she owns that choice and doesn't regret it. Too many girls make choices based on what family tells them and I have seen the long term implications of that. I don't want that for my daughter.
Finally her and T went for a drive, and talked for a few hours. They came back resolved to keep and parent the child. It breaks my heart what she is losing, but I support them.
So, here I will journal the ups and downs. I plan to print it all out someday and keep it for her, for someday, maybe. I may just burn it, I may keep it for myself. I just really don't know. I need a place to shout though.
posted by Kat at
7:24 AM
1 Comments:
Your blog is a beautiful thing. I vividly remember the day that my mother and I sat crying on the stairs after my pregnancy test. I was 17. Our little one is nearly 12 now!!!
This is such a powerful time in your daughter's life, you are such a great mother to love her and support her as you do.
By
wendy, at 1:37 PM
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