Irony
I have hit a point where I just accept that yes, my daughter is pregnant. I'm no longer in a haze about it, I don't have the realization hit me like a ton of bricks the moment my eyes open and I'm not crying over her vastly different future. Now, I am in this strange sarcastic mode where I see irony in the things she says.
Yesterday, she came home and I was explaining I set up a midwife appointment for her. I was explaining various details and mentioned a blood draw. She began to shake and cry, "no mom! I can't do that! They have to get that information some other way!!!". I explained that they HAD to take blood, it wasn't optional, and what it was for. She began to cry and said "Why didn't you tell me this before? I asked if it would have made a difference and she said "maybe!". Looking at this young girl, my baby, so mature for her age and so childlike, I saw the irony of it all. She isn't afraid to birth a baby, not afraid of an epidural (which, up to a few months ago she was very against, things have quickly changed in her attitudes though) she isn't afraid of a shot, being up all night with a screaming baby, not afraid to work in a coffee stand by herself but the mention of a blood draw brings on hysterics. I don't know why, but I found it amusing.
Maybe that makes me a bad parent, but what else can I do at this point. I certainly am not at a point where I feel *happy* for her, nor am I at a point where I am looking forward to *baby*, but I'm not mad and don't want to browbeat her either. That may be why im just sarcastic, what can I say.
Last night I came home from my new job (great timing eh!) and her and her boyfriend T were fighting like cats and dogs. Finally I decided to play mediator and ask what was wrong. Apparently the fight was this: T wanted to have sex, and Jayme refused. She said she already screwed up enough and she wasn't going to have sex again until she is married. T felt that she was forcing him to be unhappy and that he would just have to deal with her choice. He wanted a *compromise* and I am sure you can read between the lines to see what that meant.
I sat there with my jaw open. I couldn't believe he felt it was his "right" and furthermore that he would be so bold as to tell me it was his right to have sex with MY 15 year old daughter. I basically put it back on him, asked him why he had the right to devalue her morals. He said "what about my morals". I stayed calm (yes, I wanted to strangle him) and basically told him that if his morals meant at 17, he had to have sex, then he could go find somebody else. I pushed him as to why he couldn't accept her morals, and why he felt that he had the *right* to have sex at 17 with a young girl. After a lot of thinking, he said "well, I never hear No to anything, so when I do I want to push more". I told him he sounded more like a spoiled brat, and he agreed. I think I do have a clearer picture of what went on between my daughter and him though. It makes me sick and angry to have to have these discussions, I would much rather kick him out and ban her from seeing him, but the reality is, he IS the father of my someday grandchild, and I need to work as hard as they do at keeping us all civil and connected.
All that being said, I just really still don't know how to "Handle" this situation with them. I am keeping her home for the most part (not hard, she is asleep by 8pm) and limiting their time together, even though it was quite limited before. I wonder if there is a book about parenting a parent . . . If not there should be.
Yesterday, she came home and I was explaining I set up a midwife appointment for her. I was explaining various details and mentioned a blood draw. She began to shake and cry, "no mom! I can't do that! They have to get that information some other way!!!". I explained that they HAD to take blood, it wasn't optional, and what it was for. She began to cry and said "Why didn't you tell me this before? I asked if it would have made a difference and she said "maybe!". Looking at this young girl, my baby, so mature for her age and so childlike, I saw the irony of it all. She isn't afraid to birth a baby, not afraid of an epidural (which, up to a few months ago she was very against, things have quickly changed in her attitudes though) she isn't afraid of a shot, being up all night with a screaming baby, not afraid to work in a coffee stand by herself but the mention of a blood draw brings on hysterics. I don't know why, but I found it amusing.
Maybe that makes me a bad parent, but what else can I do at this point. I certainly am not at a point where I feel *happy* for her, nor am I at a point where I am looking forward to *baby*, but I'm not mad and don't want to browbeat her either. That may be why im just sarcastic, what can I say.
Last night I came home from my new job (great timing eh!) and her and her boyfriend T were fighting like cats and dogs. Finally I decided to play mediator and ask what was wrong. Apparently the fight was this: T wanted to have sex, and Jayme refused. She said she already screwed up enough and she wasn't going to have sex again until she is married. T felt that she was forcing him to be unhappy and that he would just have to deal with her choice. He wanted a *compromise* and I am sure you can read between the lines to see what that meant.
I sat there with my jaw open. I couldn't believe he felt it was his "right" and furthermore that he would be so bold as to tell me it was his right to have sex with MY 15 year old daughter. I basically put it back on him, asked him why he had the right to devalue her morals. He said "what about my morals". I stayed calm (yes, I wanted to strangle him) and basically told him that if his morals meant at 17, he had to have sex, then he could go find somebody else. I pushed him as to why he couldn't accept her morals, and why he felt that he had the *right* to have sex at 17 with a young girl. After a lot of thinking, he said "well, I never hear No to anything, so when I do I want to push more". I told him he sounded more like a spoiled brat, and he agreed. I think I do have a clearer picture of what went on between my daughter and him though. It makes me sick and angry to have to have these discussions, I would much rather kick him out and ban her from seeing him, but the reality is, he IS the father of my someday grandchild, and I need to work as hard as they do at keeping us all civil and connected.
All that being said, I just really still don't know how to "Handle" this situation with them. I am keeping her home for the most part (not hard, she is asleep by 8pm) and limiting their time together, even though it was quite limited before. I wonder if there is a book about parenting a parent . . . If not there should be.
posted by Kat at
7:16 AM
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