My babys having a baby

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Please keep me sane today . . .

This afternoon is Jayme's appointment. I couldn't sleep last night, I am so worried. I tossed and turned, all I kept thinking is what if . . . what if there are 2 babies? I feel like I am being so selfish but the truth is, I know that she is capable of caring for a baby, but if there are 2, that means much much more work for me. Even in the perfect situation, I think twins would be way more then twice the work. Considering the circumstances, I know that work would fall onto me. I know that is so selfish of me. I just keep picturing September coming, I will be homeschooling a 6th grader, a K/1st grader and PreK. I want to be able to really devote my time to that, and HOW could I do that with 2 babys in my already not so large house?

Of course, I am also scared to death of twins simply because she is so tiny. I can't imagine where those babies would go in her body. She was down to 104 last week, her size 1 pants are loose on her, her hips are just a hands width of mine. I am scared, quite honestly. Scared about her being on bed rest, on giving birth, on parenting, on my role in that. I'm just quite frightened about how this will all turn out. I need to stop stressing and I know that, but its easier said then done. I am trying to not show her any signs of fear, because the reality is, she is leaning on me to make things alright for her life right now. Pregnant or not, I am still her mom, and the one that keeps her feeling safe and balanced.

On the good side, I have had her taking her prenatal vitamins at night before bed. It seems to be helping alot with the morning sickness, she actually is eating now. Right now she is craving alot of fruit and cereal (Life cereal to be exact). I'm glad we are moving toward fruit season because its killing my budget! lol! I was at the store buying yogurt, strawberries, bananas, grapes, etc. and just chuckling because I would have never ever bought strawberries in February for me, but for my sick sweet daughter, I would do anything. I just am hoping for some weight gain at the next appointment.

So, I am sitting here with butterflies in my tummy, hoping and praying that we see one tiny baby today, and not two. Jayme doesn't seem so concerned about it, she just said that she is assuming its 2 because it would be her luck. She did express concerns about a C/S if it was twins but thats a long road away.

I will try to update later, unless I am in a case of complete hysteria . . . . .


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