My babys having a baby

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

One Beautiful Bean

Today we arrived for Jaymes appointment. It seemed like it took forever to be seen, poor Jayme was squirming every which way, since she had to have a full bladder for the procedure. We sat in the waiting room and of course, right in front of us was a huge ultrasound picture of a set of twins. I kept staring every which way but that, in hopes that it would somehow make it less real what we were there for!

Finally we were called in, and Jayme got settled. Tony wasn't there because we assumed Jayme would have a vaginal ultrasound, and she wanted privacy. Strangely enough, Tony understood and was ok with it. As it turned out, her uterus is so high (about 3 inches above her pubic bone) that they could see baby clearly through the ultrasound. Even the tech was a bit surprised but I guess its just that her frame is so tiny (shes 5'2 and 104 pounds). Anyway, the first thing I saw was the babe and the yolk sac. I almost passed out cold! Literally! I quickly realized it was just too round to be a baby though!

The tech popped right onto babys heart, and let us listen, it was clear and 168 beats a minute. Jayme said "is HER heart supposed to be fast like that?" The tech reassured her, and then let us watch as Lexie ( no idea why I am calling the baby that, but I have been for a week) moved all over the screen. I guess I didn't realize that they can wiggle and squirm so much already at that point. I had very early ultrasounds (5-6 weeks to confirm) or else later ones after 15-20 weeks. It surprised me. I looked at Jayme, and she just sat wide eyed staring at her baby on the screen. I think it was good for her to see that there was a true baby inside her.

I sat there looking at this tiny little squirming peanut, and couldn't help but feel a rush of emotions. All circumstances aside, the truth still remains ~ this is my daughters baby. I sat there in complete emotions, so amazed at the tiny little heartbeat . . . thinking of tiny baby toes forming, eyes and facial features . . . to say it simply, I fell in love, completely.

I was caught off guard. I have been so worried and tense the past few weeks, and all of a sudden, that worry was gone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a foggy baby bubble thinking that everything is going to be blissful and sweet. I still am very aware of the reality that we all face, the transitions, the ups and downs, the sacrifices to be made by all.

But, for this moment in my life, I am in love with an 8 week peanut, with a fast heartbeat, and an amazingly brave and strong mama ~ and that . . . is what truly matters!


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