My babys having a baby

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

relationship frustrations

This is my most frustrating and painful post. While it isn't directly about her pregnancy, it certainly involves her life and her relationships. Anybody who reads this blog knows that there has been a pattern of problems with Tony. I have been concerned but just unsure what to do. If she wasn't pregnant, I would clearly make a boundary and force him to stay away, but because she is pregnant, I feel that I have to work harder and accept more because he is the babys father, and will be around.

That changed yesterday. Jayme came home from school upset. We began to talk and she told me that Tony was angry with her. He had went to a friend of hers and made some comments centering around the fact that he no longer cared about Jayme or the baby, therefore he wanted to leave and be done with the whole thing. Jayme was upset over it, and asked Tony what he said. She wanted to give him the chance to explain himself. This sent Tony into a rage. He screamed and yelled at her, threw a set of keys at her which shattered on the wall by her head. When they broke they hit her in the leg. She then tried to get away, and he followed her, yelling and insulting her. She walked all the way across campus, trying to get away while he screamed insults and names at her.

When I heard this, I had heard enough. As Jayme talked, more came out. He punched a hole in a wall next to her, would get angry and speed in the car through traffic, punched the steering wheel. All forms of intimidation and control issues. I brought out a bunch of information on abusive behaviour and patterns of power and control. Finally she was seeing it, but still stuck on the fact that he was her babys dad, and how could she just walk away?

At this point, I feel that its my responsibility to set a boundary where she clearly can't. I told her that he would not be allowed at the house, to call, to contact or to harass her at school. She agreed that it was best but still felt badly about it. She wanted us to tell him in person, instead of over the phone. I invited him over, and calmly asked him what happened at the school. As I assumed he would do, he put it all on Jayme, saying that she backed him into a corner and set him up to fail by asking him what he said. First he tried to get angry and intimidate me, when he saw that couldn't happen he began to cry and say that he had no future and nothing left. It was a really yucky conversation. I didn't enjoy one piece of it. I hated just being in that space of having to tell him that he had no choice but to go away and if and when he got some help and control over his behaviour, he could try again.

However Jayme found herself and her strength. She told him that he had patterns of abuse, and that she could clearly see them. She was strong and assertive and told him that this was HER choice, not mine, and that he needed to respect that. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself.

Tony finally left, slamming the door, and peeled out driving quickly. He called a couple minutes later and told me that he is moving to Arizona, and we can't stop him. Later he sent her a very cruel email telling her he cared nothing for her or the baby.

So, this is a shitty yucky time in her life. I hate that she has to deal with it at such a tender age. Im pissed that I have to deal with men and thier anger at a point in my life where I do not want to have any men around me. I hope this doesn't escalate any further.

Jayme went to school today, a teacher approached her to say that he saw what happened yesterday and that he felt he "should have stepped in " but he "didn't know what to do". I think its a bunch of ****. I plan on going to the school and seeing what thier policy is, and why my daughter has to deal with that. They have "campus cops" why weren't they called?

Anyway, last night we talked alot about focusing on herself, getting healthy emotionally and physically and just spending this time being loved and nurtured and preparing for her baby.
I hope I got through, and I pray that this can stop here. I hope that my next update is more positive then this one is.


  • Katrina - I finally got to reading all your blogs. You are truly an amazing person and mother and your daughter is going to thrive from your support and encouragement. Keep up the good work and know that I am here to support you. Ally

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:01 PM  

  • Dude, ever hear of an update??

    He he.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:19 PM  

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