Today is Gabriel's Due Date

And, here he is, 11 days old and amazing! He is doing fantastic, nursing is still going great. I love to hear his little baby gulping nursing sounds when Jayme is sitting next to me nursing. It is so darn cute. He had a checkup last week and was 8#3oz and 20.5 inches, so he gained back his birth weight plus some.

Jayme of course, is back to her whopping 109 pounds and wearing her size 2 jeans. Grrrrr, oh well, she is looking and feeling fantastic. She has a smile nonstop right now, even when she is exhausted. The newness of him is beginning to wear down, I had to crack up today when she was wiping down the counters and he began to cry. Instead of running to him she said "Ahhh Gabe, your gonna be fine, hang on a moment!" Aha! Motherhood has arrived.

She had some super exhausting nights and I tried to fill in the best that I could with helping her out. Of course Gabriel is only nursing so I couldn't feed him but I did spend a few evenings with him on my chest patting his bottom to keep him asleep another hour. Poor Jayme was so tired that when I went in to check on her and Gabe, she was asleep with her head between her feet. She was SO tired, she just tumbled forward and stayed there! So, that was the night I took Moose, and held him for 5 hours while she slept. She woke up feeling like a new woman!

She starts her tutoring this week, and will return to school full time in about 5 weeks. She had a meltdown when she found out she was going to have to leave Gabriel in the daycare all day. She cried and cried, and thought she wasn't going to be able to breastfeed anymore, and that others wouldn't take as good as care of him as she would. I was soon able to console her though, and with the way the school hours work, and lunchtime, she should be able to nurse him all day after all.

On the Jayme and Tony front, well, that hasn't went so well. Tony is quite upset with me because he feels that I am trying to be Gabriels parent. He has no idea how far from the truth he is. We argued over him paying child support, he wants to just buy the baby stuff when he needs it, and doesn't understand why he has to give money to Jayme. We argued over his attitude towards me in general. I understand he is upset and frustrated but right now, he is being a typical 17 year old, and everything revolves around him. He told Jayme he wants a thank you from her and some appreciation for what he has done, but both Jayme and I tried to figure it out and couldn't come up with much he has done, other then buy the crib and pay less then 130.00 towards Lab bills. I guess it slips his mind that I am paying a 75.00 and a 200.00 a month payment on Gabriels medical costs, not to mention diapers, clothing, blankets, wipes, blah blah blah . . .

I guess for me, I get frustrated having to deal with him. On one hand ,I realize that he is just a kid and hot-headed, but the other part of me wants to knock him around a bit and say WAKE UP! It's not just about you, its about Jayme and the baby too! Jayme was feeling really upset and vulnerable, so she was asking me to not make her be alone with him, which further put me in a tough place. So, here I am driving her to dr. appointments to meet Tony there, and she is begging me to go in with her so she doesn't have to be alone with him. Finally after a few times of this leading to episodes with Tony I told her that from now on, she has to have me take her alone, or else Tony take her alone, but no more all three of us taking Gabriel to an appointment or whatever . . . I reminded her that now she is a parent, and she has to be strong in stating what she needs, whether it is to me, or Tony or whoever. I can't bail her out anymore, she entered into an adult world and has to handle herself as an adult now. I can't keep being the go-between in her and Tony's relationship.

She cried alot, Tony was coming down hard on her saying that it was her and him "against the world" and that she was making bad choices. He began to attack my own relationships (or lack of them, by choice) and condemn me, trying to make a division between Jayme and I. Things got pretty yucky. He finally told her he would stay with her but she "had to move out with him in a few months" She actually laughed at that one. He is working a temporary job making slightly over minimum wage and she isn't even legal to move out, at 16 and most importantly, she doesn't want to move out and live with him. She has stated repeatedly to me (not sure if she said it to him though) that she wants to stay living with me until she is done with high school. She wants to be strong and independant, not just move in with Tony because she has a baby. She is pretty level headed about it, saying "yes, I love him but he is my 17 year old boyfriend . . . " She isn't ready for a lifelong commitment nor is she ready to take the role of a wife. She has college and parenting on the mind.

So, the basic point to all of this is that Jayme told Tony she needed time for herself. He took it surprisingly well, I think maybe he wanted that also. So far he has only been coming over 10-20 minutes a day to see Gabriel, with me trying to stay away so there is no more conflict. Maybe now that they aren't officially a "couple" he will decide to see his child more, and offer more support to her. I sure hope so.

But, if not, we all have more then enough love and strength to get through. My Aunt and Cousin came up from California to meet Gabriel and brought a huge bag of clothing for him! WhooHoo! I go back to school next week, Jayme goes back soon . . . things are going quite well, much better then I would have ever been able to imagine just 9 months ago.

Jayme is a spectacular mommy, and Gabriel is an amazing baby, I guess we are just one lucky family!