My babys having a baby

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Scales still dropping . . .

Jayme had her 15 week checkup yesterday, she is down another pound. At this point she is 102 pounds. Her midwife was concerned, and had them do some extra checking on her urine. She is doing ok though, no ketones or sugar showing. She said at this point she wants to try a prescription of Reglan, and to start adding Ice Cream to the smoothies that she is drinking. I agreed because I do trust this midwife, Elizabeth is awesome.

Other then that, Lexie sounded great, heartbeats in the 150s, I keep having dreams of this baby, always a girl and quite tiny, with lots of black hair. I bought her a tiny little outfit the other day, it is pink and white, and says "little dancer" That is what Lexie is, she is dancing in my daughters womb. I can't wait to meet her and know her. Its exciting for me to get to know this baby through the pregnancy. Maybe I needed to grow as a woman, and this is part of it. I am jus fascinated with this pregnancy. So strange, I never thought I would accept and love this so quickly. I knew that by the time the baby was here I would care, but it's still different then I could have pictured it.

There is a place in town that offers the 3D ultrasounds where you get a clear picture of the baby. I saw it and was so excited! I told Jayme I would pay for it (200 bucks) and was blabbing away when she looked at me and said "Mom, I dont think so, I think I would like it to be a surprise". Gasp!!!! Then, I calmly reminded myself of my place in her Journey, which is to support her in her growth as a woman. That includes making her decisions. So, I hugged her and told her that I just got a bit over-eager and that it was her choice. I then asked if I could blindfold her and have it done for me, but she didn't go for that :)

Its spring break, a time to relax, or, in this house a time to scrub the walls. We have been busy bees this week. Maybe all the energy will give Jayme a boost in appetite. She needs to gain!!!

All is well though . . . 15w2d

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Houston~ We have a belly!

So, we have now hit the magic 14 week mark. What is magic about it? Not a darn thing. I guess that is why its magic. I am so relaxed now about this pregnancy and her transition to motherhood. The first weeks were so incredibly painful for me, a constant roller coaster of emotions. Now I can just settle into the new normal mode.

She stepped on my scale and is down another 2 pounds. She hasn't been feeling too badly, but still having a hard time eating more then about 5 bites. We have been trying lighter foods, fruit, yogurt, smoothies, salads. She is in a passionate love affair with cold cereal. My desire to lose a few extra pounds before summer means we only have skim milk and nonfat yogurt availalble, maybe I should start shopping seperatly for the both of us lol!

Tony has moved on to a new girlfriend. He leaves Jayme nasty messages about how great the new girl is. She has blocked him now from her email though, and seems to be over it. He hasn't shown any interest in the baby though. She has an amazing network of friends supporting her though, both male and female. She has been out each night this week with friends, one night bowling and one night for "battle of the bands". I am glad to see her being active and not letting this slow her down.

We are preparing for a trip down to SanDiego. We leave on her 16th birthday (April 6th). She is in Wind Ensemble at the local high school, so they are taking a band tour to compete with other bands. We also get to visit Marine World, 6 Flags and do some shopping. I was hoping to know babies gender before we went, but it doesnt seem so likely. I'm pretty sure that Lexie is a girl, but who knows . . . could be an Alex :)

Life at home is smooth right now. Im studying for finals, Jayme too. She got a 96% on her biology exam last week. She was so excited! She studied hard. Other then that, we are all waiting for spring to come, we are getting Camping Fever~ Time to retreat to the great outdoors.

14weeks and counting . . .

Friday, March 10, 2006

I haven't given an update in quite awhile, a few people mention to me that they look daily, but life the past couple weeks has been so difficult and busy that this is just one more thing that gets forgotten in the midst.

Jayme will be 13 weeks pregnant on Sunday, time is flying by so quickly. By coincidence, Sunday is 2 years since we left our home and everything behind us. 2 years since the kids have seen thier Father, since I have had a husband and a home of my own. I know that all things considered, life is better now, but I still find it odd that the end of her first Trimester is hitting the same time as the 2 year date. I think about her doing this now as a single parent, and how I am myself a single parent. I wonder if she wasn't exposed to what she was, or if I was still married or had allowed myself to be married again if she would have done better and not been pregnant? Who knows, I guess there is no point in questioning that now.

On a good note, she is all signed up for the teen parent program at high school. This program is great, she has a woman that is her main touchpoint for information, referrals and support. They teach parenting classes, prenatal classes and support groups, help with education and scholarship information for girls continuing on to college (Jayme is determined to still go, thank God) and after the baby is born they provide free on-site childcare for the babies. They have nursing rooms for the mamas and alot of support. I think I am blessed that this will be so easy for her, ok, not easy but easier. After she has the babe, a tutor will come to the house for an hour a day to keep her up on her studies for 6 weeks, when she can return to school.

On a bad note, Tony isn't being so nice. He got into Jaymes email and deleted all the nasty emails that he sent her. She said she gave him the password along time ago but didn't think that he would remember them. He isn't too bright though, he wrote her a bunch more nasty emails and didn't realize that she had changed her password! At least we have those ones if we ever need them. The school however, is being super supportive of Jayme. The "campus cops" apparently talked to Tony and his family. He has been warned of any form of contact with Jayme, and the school has told Jayme if there is ANY incident, to please let them know ASAP so that she can feel safe being there.

Which leads to the beginning of next month. Jayme is in Wind Ensemble and they are taking a band tour down to SanDiego. I had no intention whatosever of going but I began to realize that this is her last trip before she is a mama. I am going to go with her as a chaperone so that we can have some time together and build some memories before she is mama. She wants to go baby shopping in California since we are spending one whole day at a huge mall down there. We are also hitting 6 flags (where she wont be able to ride any rides) and Sea World and the Zoo. I think its going to be great to have that time with her and connect a bit. Next year she probably won't go, considering that I probably wouldn't be willing to drive a baby there, and I doubt that she will be willing to leave for a week.

I had a dream about her, that she had just given birth to Lexie, and Lexie was indeed a girl. She had dark dark hair and was so tiny. She was curled up in Jaymes arms and Jayme was crying and saying how beautiful Lexie was. The dream was so real, so powerful. I am beginning to think more about Jayme and the reality of her feelings toward her baby, and how powerful that will be for her. I'm really excited for her, and for myself also. How is it going to feel to hold my own daughters baby? That has to be powerful . . . amazing . . . strong. I can't wait!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

relationship frustrations

This is my most frustrating and painful post. While it isn't directly about her pregnancy, it certainly involves her life and her relationships. Anybody who reads this blog knows that there has been a pattern of problems with Tony. I have been concerned but just unsure what to do. If she wasn't pregnant, I would clearly make a boundary and force him to stay away, but because she is pregnant, I feel that I have to work harder and accept more because he is the babys father, and will be around.

That changed yesterday. Jayme came home from school upset. We began to talk and she told me that Tony was angry with her. He had went to a friend of hers and made some comments centering around the fact that he no longer cared about Jayme or the baby, therefore he wanted to leave and be done with the whole thing. Jayme was upset over it, and asked Tony what he said. She wanted to give him the chance to explain himself. This sent Tony into a rage. He screamed and yelled at her, threw a set of keys at her which shattered on the wall by her head. When they broke they hit her in the leg. She then tried to get away, and he followed her, yelling and insulting her. She walked all the way across campus, trying to get away while he screamed insults and names at her.

When I heard this, I had heard enough. As Jayme talked, more came out. He punched a hole in a wall next to her, would get angry and speed in the car through traffic, punched the steering wheel. All forms of intimidation and control issues. I brought out a bunch of information on abusive behaviour and patterns of power and control. Finally she was seeing it, but still stuck on the fact that he was her babys dad, and how could she just walk away?

At this point, I feel that its my responsibility to set a boundary where she clearly can't. I told her that he would not be allowed at the house, to call, to contact or to harass her at school. She agreed that it was best but still felt badly about it. She wanted us to tell him in person, instead of over the phone. I invited him over, and calmly asked him what happened at the school. As I assumed he would do, he put it all on Jayme, saying that she backed him into a corner and set him up to fail by asking him what he said. First he tried to get angry and intimidate me, when he saw that couldn't happen he began to cry and say that he had no future and nothing left. It was a really yucky conversation. I didn't enjoy one piece of it. I hated just being in that space of having to tell him that he had no choice but to go away and if and when he got some help and control over his behaviour, he could try again.

However Jayme found herself and her strength. She told him that he had patterns of abuse, and that she could clearly see them. She was strong and assertive and told him that this was HER choice, not mine, and that he needed to respect that. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself.

Tony finally left, slamming the door, and peeled out driving quickly. He called a couple minutes later and told me that he is moving to Arizona, and we can't stop him. Later he sent her a very cruel email telling her he cared nothing for her or the baby.

So, this is a shitty yucky time in her life. I hate that she has to deal with it at such a tender age. Im pissed that I have to deal with men and thier anger at a point in my life where I do not want to have any men around me. I hope this doesn't escalate any further.

Jayme went to school today, a teacher approached her to say that he saw what happened yesterday and that he felt he "should have stepped in " but he "didn't know what to do". I think its a bunch of ****. I plan on going to the school and seeing what thier policy is, and why my daughter has to deal with that. They have "campus cops" why weren't they called?

Anyway, last night we talked alot about focusing on herself, getting healthy emotionally and physically and just spending this time being loved and nurtured and preparing for her baby.
I hope I got through, and I pray that this can stop here. I hope that my next update is more positive then this one is.