My babys having a baby

Sunday, August 27, 2006


I am sitting here tonight, thinking about this pregnancy and the overall impact and changes it has brought to all of our lives. When you walk into our living room, there is now a swing and a bassinett. We have Mothering and Dr. Sears books lying around again. There is a sense of expectation, an excitement, a change while we wait for this baby to make his arrival.

I used to wonder what Jayme would be like as a teen girl. I have heard so many comments about how Moms "lose" thier teenage daughters to partying, rebellion, anger and boyfriends. My heart would always freeze up and I would get a wave of panic when I considered that happening to Jayme and I. I even clipped out a small article of a mom who sneaked into her 16 year olds room late one night, just to watch her sleep, because their relationship had become so troubled, they didn't speak. The daughter happened to wake up and tell her mom she loved her. That article I still keep,10 years after I first found it as a reminder that even if Jayme and I disagree and battle for a while through the teenage years, she still loves me, and I still, of course, will always love her.

However, I realize that this pregnancy has brought her closer to me. She isn't out partying, angry, fighting or telling me to mind my own business. She is right next to my side, asking questions . . . endless questions about birth, babies, parenting, standard childrearing practices versus how I have raised my babies, in the attachment parenting style. My daughter, swollen and late in pregnancy, still snuggles in my bed with me. She still calls me Mama, and she still needs to know that I am there and I care for her. Any rebellion that may have been there a year or two ago is gone now, replaced by a responsible young lady, preparing her body and mind for the birth of her own child, her own new beginning.

She told me that she wants to parent her child, the way I have parented her. I find that amazing. I look back to when I first held her, at the tender age of 14. I was so scared, I knew nothing, I had conceived her in such a harsh and ugly manner. I was an only child, with no family nearby. When she came out and into my arms, I had never changed a diaper, never dressed a child. I learned what to do slowly, stumbling my way through the process of parenting. I read every book I could find, I still remember the day the librarian smiled at me and said "sweetie, you have read every childrearing book in the public library system!".

The past few months, I have felt that I failed as a parent. If I had raised her right, she wouldn't be 16 and pregnant. There would be posters of the latest band on her walls, makeup and junk everywhere, not an immaculate room, with a crib, changing table and tiny little clothing ready to go. I would be fighting typical parenting battles about boys and curfew, not giving advice on extended breastfeeding. If I was a good parent, I wouldn't be taking her to register for school tomorrow in the schools nursery, made for teen parents . . . no, I would have had her registered and paid the band and travel fees . . .

All of the whatifs were beginning to wear me down. Then, it really hit me. She is happy, healthy and still in school. She is having a child, but still persevered to make a relationship work with the father. She isn't 14 and recovering from abuse, but 16 and trying to make the best choices.

I could have done worse . . . because she is really pretty amazing. Though I would have argued this before, I think that I am glad little Gabriel is coming. Maybe this was all a good thing, the path she was supposed to take. Maybe its all for a reason. Tonight, I am just glad I have my baby girl, home with me, happy and content, ready to receive her child into loving arms.

Lesson learned . . . big lesson learned.

Kat . . . Jayme and baby Gabriel, 37 weeks today.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Hospital Visit number 3

Well, Thursday night Jayme was contracting every 3-5 minutes, but they weren't getting stronger at all, just very mild, as in "Mom, I think I'm contracting again . . . but I am not sure". So, I suggested we go to sleep and if it was labor, she certainly would know and wake up. She was pretty unsure, but super tired, so we all went to bed around 11pm.

5:30 am she woke me up, saying that her thighs were wet, and each contraction, they were a bit more wet, but no fluid "running down her legs". I got up, she was feeling contractions and just didn't feel well. She was worried about the fluid and wanted to go to the hospital and be checked. I warned her that there was a good chance they would send her home, because it has been my experience that unless there is a flood of fluid, it usualy shows negative. Either way, she wanted to go, so off we went.

When we arrived at the hospital, they recognized her from her last 2 visits! She was put into a room, onto a strip, where it showed a ton of irritabilaty, but no contractions. They checked for fluid, but tests were negative. She was still 4-5 cm and 80% effaced. After an hour or so, we were discharged. Poor Jayme was super sad, embarrassed, uncomfortable and just plain sick of this whole thing. I think she would be fine if she wasn't contracting, but having them constantly is really wearing her out.

So, yesterday I worked a bit, she stayed at her grammas for awhile then came home and slept for a bit. Tony has been working alot lately and not around as much since he is working a swing shift and doesn't get off until midnight, but he came over last night and took Jayme out for Mini-Golfing. She was crampy and uncomfortable but I think it was great for her to get out and do something to take her mind off her body. She got home around 10pm last night, slept hard all night and woke up feeling much better, cramps gone and more relaxed.

Today has been pretty mellow, she has hung around home, is starving so I am making pulled pork sandwiches for dinner (her request!) She has had only one contraction today and it hurt worse then ever, making her face crumple up and her squiggle all around on the couch. Otherwise, she is in better spirits, better physical space then she was the last few days.

37 weeks tomorrow . . . a full term, happy healthy baby boy. I have been too afraid to hope for this for so long, and now it is here. I feel blessed, amazed, happy, anxious and just all around fantastic and ready to meet this little guy whenever he arrives. Even though she is so far dilated, I think it could be another week or two at this point. It feels much less "imminent" then it did before.

Course, that really screws with my personal life hehehehehe, and I worry now that if he waits until close to his due date or after, that will be hard because I go back to school the end of September!

Oh well, whatever is meant to happen, will happen. I trust that!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Crampy Cranky Crabby . . .

Are all wonderful words for my daughter. She is cramping, her lower back is hurting super bad and contractions are every 3-7 minutes, but they aren't hurting. She did this yesterday morning for quite a few hours, abruptly stopped and doing it again now. At this point I think I am not going to be concerned because clearly, Gabriel is enjoying his womb and plans on staying there for awhile. As much as I would like Gabe to kick back another week or so, I would also like him to come out for Jayme's sake. He is so low that she can't sit in one position for very long, she squirms and wiggles. Walking hurts a bit more. My poor baby is just a tired painful mess all of a sudden :( It makes me sad, yet excited that she got to experience late pregnancy.

All of his clothing is now washed, bedding done (even though she isn't using the crib, go figure! It makes a great toybox I guess) His bathtub and towels are ready, the laundry from the rest of us is even done! We went for a long walk this morning, where I answered endless breastfeeding questions and talked about nursing bra sizes. She is really feeling tired and bummed and I can't believe how low this little guy is. I just took a pic of her standing outside, she looks so pitiful I have to post it.

She has no fears of labor now, after her friend just went through labor and birth, but now has serious worries about if she is responsible enough to take good care of her baby, keeping him fed and clean and all the things that go with parenting. I am doing my best to support her and guide her through this period of questioning. I think all new moms worry about that, regardless of whether they are 16 or 36. She is going to be fantastic with him, she is the oldest of 5 and has so much experience already! I can't wait to watch her holding him, feeding him, just learning to be a mommy,

Thats all for now, shes hungry so im pulling the enchiladas out of the oven. I hope we don't regret that later, but this is probably just another episode of Jaymes Daily Contractions!

Kat . . . Jayme . . . Gabriel 36w4d

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Good God! Pregnant women are grouchy!!!

I guess the truth is, I would be grumpy if I was told for 6 weeks that I was probably going to go into labor at any time, If I was dilated to 5 centimeters and it was 94 degrees out (with no air conditioning), if I had a 6 pound baby stuck in my pelvis and swollen ankles.

Regardless of all the reasons she has to be grumpy, it is NOT FUN FOR ME!!! I had a long conference today, and she hung out with my mom. I called each hour or so to check on her, but other then being crampy, nothing else was happening. No contractions . . . nothing. She was walking and squatting and doing everything she could think of to bring on contractions but nothing worked. By the time I arrived this evening, she was worked into a tizzy, upset because she wants him NOW!

I tried to explain he isn't even due for 3 1/2 weeks "So what? He is ready now, I am dilated to 5, he needs to come out!!!"

I tried saying that she was already at 5, so something probably would happen soon . . . "Everybody said that, but its been 29 hours and he STILL ISNT HERE"

She is worried that she won't know if her water breaks . . . and then she may get an infection, and then bad things will happen, to which I tried telling her, she WILL know if her water breaks.

She is angry at her grammas neighbor, for telling her she should scrub her nipples so breastfeeding doesn't hurt, I tried to explain that knowledge changes with time, and she was only giving advice that she had when she had her babies 25 years ago

She is angry at her 3 year old brother for yelling . . . angry at her 10 year old sister for leaving her shoes downstairs, her 11 year old sister for going to a friends house for a few days. . .

In other words, she is super pissed off! and she is NOT fun to deal with. She just sat here getting mad at me and saying that I was making stuff up!?! I finally told her she was pregnant, bitchy and had to go to bed NOW! She stomped off upset. I am trying to feel her pain, and be understanding but it only goes so far.

Please . . . somebody tell me that she won't sit at 5 centimeters dilation for another week???? Please put me out of my misery soon! At this point in merely selfish in my desire for this to happen, not only so that she stops bitching over everything, but also so I can go see my friend. I need to be with her, she is so sick. I need to share time with her while I can.

HOW long can you sit at 5cm, 80% effaced? Seriously . . . Shelly OH SHELLY!!! wanna chime in on this one? Anybody? Im willing to pay good money to have somebody convince me I don't have weeks more of this!!!!

Not to mention . . . I need to take a lil road trip to the coast to spend time with somebody special, and that is a bit selfish . . . but true!

Kat . . . Jayme . . . and babe 36w3d

Monday, August 21, 2006

Moving right along

Jayme had her 36week1day appointment today. All of last week she pretty much stopped contracting and cramping until Friday evening. We were at the park having a picnic and watching a storyteller, when Jayme began to contract and they really hurt. However, they stopped after about 2 hours. Saturday and Sunday she was fine also, but she woke up pretty crampy this morning.

Anyway, she had her appointment today, which was bittersweet because her midwife is leaving to another country, and this is our last appointment with her. On one hand its exciting for her, but its a bummer for us! Jayme is pretty comfortable with the back up Dr. that she will be seeing though.

Either way, after listening to Jayme, her midwife decided to check her. Right now Jayme is dilated "a stretchy 4, basically a 5" 80% effaced and baby is at -2 station. She also is having a tiny bit of bloody show. Right now she is exhausted from hitting a late night movie with Tony, and taking a nap. I Don't know if she is in the beginning of something or if we will hold another week??

So, I think I am off to work for a bit, I will update again when and if something changes,


Sunday, August 20, 2006

36 weeks today

Well, this post is not going to be very typical of the last posts. Jayme made it to 36 weeks, I am thrilled. I have really mellowed out the past week and just realized that he will arrive when he chooses. Jayme had another massage on Friday and we went out to lunch afterwards then for a walk through the park. It was nice to spend that time with her. She is asking so many questions now on parenting, diapering, labor etc. It is neat to see her evolving into a mother.

However, this is all tempered with some really hard news that I just received. First of all, Jayme's best friend's older sister was due in October with a baby girl. Yesterday she was cramping badly and went to her mom's house. Sara's mom basically said all was fine, it was normal pregnancy cramping. Even after Sara began to bleed, her mom insisted it was fine. Eventually her water broke, and she insisted that she be taken to the hospital. Considering it was Sara's first baby, she trusted her mom more then her intuition, and by the time they arrived at the hospital, she was dilated to 9. Baby Haily Nicole was born shortly thereafter. She was sent to a hospital about an hour away, she not only was born premature, but also with webbed hands and some other problems. I hurt for thier family.

Even more then that though, I found out last night that one of my best childhood friends is in the hospital with cervical cancer. It doesn't sound good at all. I called her mother this morning and apparently my friend is in advanced stages. She found out she had cancer 2 years ago but was having some rough times in her life, so she didn't seek treatment. I spoke to her this morning, and she sounded so tired and worn out. She is down to 90 pounds now and can't keep anything down. They sent her from here to OHSU about 4 hours away. I want and need to be with her right now, yet I am worried about leaving Jayme. Shawndra told me to stay here, and be with Jayme, but I need to be with her too. Maybe being an only child meant that I took my childhood friends much more seriously, I don't know, but I couldn't stop sobbing when I got off the phone with her. I may fly up sometime this week, I just don't know. Either way, I am so sad right now. I want to bring my friend home, to be with me, even if its only for a short time.

This is Jaymes pregnancy blog, so I don't want to be negative, I don't want to litter it with my sadness. One life is ending, one is beginning, How can I grieve for one and be thankful for another?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Todays midwifery appointment

Well, we have made it 35weeks1day. This is obnoxious. I find myself counting days, hours and half weeks. I think that I am obsessed and ready to check myself into the local loony bin. Why I am so caught up in this I have no idea. Is this normal? Am I normal? I have no clue, but I doubt it will change much until he makes his debut into this life of ours. Either way, im getting exhausted.

Today Jayme woke up, having contractions just like the past two mornings. We took off to her midwifery appointment and were happy to know she gained back her 1 pound, making her all of 123 pounds at 8 months of pregnancy (did I mention I havent been 123 since grammer school??) anyway, we went and waited for her wonderful midwife, Elizabeth. She made her way in soon and I blurted out all the contraction story, while Jayme sat there staring at me. I realized it was HER story to tell, but me being the control freak that I am, I wanted to make sure that it was told correctly. Jayme has started to downplay the contractions the past few days, probably in an effort to get me to calm down, but either way, it is driving me even more nutso that she is minimizing them. So, first Elizabeth measured Jaymes belly, which was a 34 week belly this week, up from 32 last week, so that is good. She estimated that Gabriel now weighs over 5 pounds and said he is very very low. Heart rate was good and that part checked out pretty well.

Then, she did the internal exam, and said that Jayme is definatly 3 cm dilated. I questioned her about it, considering that Jayme was told that a few weeks ago, then they said she was only 1 cm. However Elizabeth said "I am touching his head, this is clearly 3 cm." She said that maybe tomorrows rafting trip isn't such a good idea (kinda bummed me out!) and that she thought there was a reasonable chance he could come soon. I tried for specifics but it just didn't happen.

The logical side of me knows that there are no answers, but the out of control side of me wants some answers!!! Either way, Jayme contracted for quite a few hours and then stopped late this afternoon. Now she is having a contraction when she moves, but they stop if she stays quiet. I think Wednesday would be a good day because her midwife is on call that day, Jayme mentioned it also because she has childbirth class that day, and furthermore, my volunteers who help run my children's group are all going to be busy that day, so Wednesday would be a difficult day (other then the midwife being on call) to have the baby, therefore, I am convinced he will come on Wednesday!!!

So, off to bed I go, im exhausted. Taking care of pregnant people is hard work hehehehehe


Sunday, August 13, 2006

35 week update

So, yesterday I left my semi-panicked post, and then tried to relax. I had to remind myself that this is not a crisis, it is a baby coming and that its not my baby coming, but my babys baby. With that refreshed in my mind, and a phone call to the midwife who basically said "yep, sounds like early labor, see you at your appointment monday if your not in the hospital" I decided to relax and mellow out.

Jayme on the other hand, just kept on contracting until about 4:30 when we went to my moms house to drop of my youngest child, a very active and busy 3 year old who wouldn't stop talking and was making Jaymes life a bit miserable. Once we got to my moms though, Jayme immediatly stopped contractions. Not even a slow down, they just stopped! She went to bed around 9 last night and was super tired. This morning I went and woke her up at 9am, a bit worried because she never sleeps that late. She said she felt fine, but had a few contractions around 4 am that woke her up because they were so painful. Right about then, she had a big contraction that made her stop in her tracks, get super quiet and serious. She then proceeded to have another 2 hours of contractions every 7-8 minutes along with some seriously bad back pain. Then, once again, the contractions just stopped.

At this point, I am scratching my head in puzzlement. We were supposed to go a little over an hour out of town today, but I am not comfortable taking her. I can't help but think something is changing, even though she keeps stopping. This contraction business hasn't been normal or consistent until the past couple days. I am not sure quite what to think. Of course I realize that its best to just kick back and wait but I still feel like I need time to prepare myself for watching her go through labor and birth and becoming a mother herself. It doesn't feel like we are closing in on pregnancy, it seems that I just recently found out, yet on the other hand, I guess it seems like its been the norm for along time.

I wonder if this is how people feel when thier partners are pregnant? I have this sense that I should be doing something, but what? I should be preparing something . . . or packing or cleaning or cooking or something, yet I feel too scattered to bring it together to do much of anything. On one hand I am so eager to greet and hold this child, and yet I am still in bargaining mode for a couple more weeks to make sure he is all ready. I should be grateful to make it as far as we (she!) has, yet I keep trying to bargain with the forces that be . . . to get a little bit longer, so hes a little bit bigger!

At her last appt. on Monday, they said her belly is only measuring 32 weeks, the same as the week before. Her midwife thought it was because he had dropped so low, they were losing some size based on that. However she had also lost 1 1/2 pounds, so if he isn't a bit bigger tomorrow morning, they will have another ultrasound to check him out. Her midwife said he is still tiny, on the low side of 4 pounds. That seems tiny to me, because my own 34 weekers ranged from 5#4oz to 6#11oz. However, I never ever ever was 122 when I delivered either! Ha! Far from it.

So, for right now, Jayme and Tony went for a walk, she is restless and didn't feel like she could sit here any longer. I felt that I had to mop the floor and dust and clean and get everything ready JUST in case she is going to go into labor sometime soon . . . call me crazy. If nothing else, we needed space so I stop asking "another contraction?" every 3 minutes. Poor girl, if she can deal with me, then she can deal with anything.

Kat and Jayme and babe 35 weeks!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

35 weeks tomorrow . . . maybe??

First, I have to say I am so excited that tomorrow marks 35 weeks for Jayme and babe, I am thrilled for her and excited that he probably won't need an extended NICU stay. I know anything is possible, but I feel really positive at this point. Actually, I was pretty positive that we would make it until September, because she really quieted down. The past two weeks, the only way I could tell she had a contraction is because she ran down the hall to the bathroom, it seems as though having a full bladder equaled contractions for Jayme! Her basic pattern has been about once or twice a day, to have 2 contractions and then no more. Because she has been so quiet, I did begin to assume that she would make it a bit longer, and have begun to relax a bit about the impending birth.

Things are changing though, maybe? Wednesday night Jayme and Tony went to childbirth classes together. She was excited, but tired and a bit sore. Thursday she woke up with a super bad backache. She limped around the house a bit, not complaining badly but certainly sore. Yesterday, on Friday she was even more sore, however I had a planned to take her for a full massage at a local healing center in Ashland. We arrived and Jayme had an hour long massage, and came out feeling fantastic. She said her back didn't hurt, she felt good and relaxed and was super hungry. We went to eat and then over to my moms to pick up the kids (my own 4 other children) and Jayme said she had a contraction, 15 minutes later another, 20 minutes later another, for most of the evening last night. We went to bed early and I wondered if she may wake me up with more intense contractions. However, this morning when I left at 6am, I woke her up, and she said she was only having a few contractions here and there.

So, I went off to start my morning, then had breakfast with a friend, and got back home. Since I have been home (only about 2 hours) she has consistently been having contractions every 7-10 minutes, but they aren't hurting at all. She also had alot of discharge this morning and is having a bad bachache again. Could the massage have kicked her into labor?? I am wondering if she is in the early stages . . . ??

Last time she was in the hospital, it was horrible. The terbutaline made her shake and tremble so bad I just crawled on the bed and held her in my arms, what else could I do? Her Dr. and her midwife have both said that at this point they wouldn't stop the labor, so I don't know if it would be worth it to drive in and have her checked, and if they DID try to stop labor again by that medication I would probably be arrested for violent acts. I dunno what to do!!!!! As you can tell, I am stressing at this point but she isn't. She is calm as can be, with the attitude that if it IS labor, we will soon be sure of it. Tony is here with her, they are kicked back chatting. Little do they know the anxiety of ME!!!!

But, like this pregnancy is teaching me, its not always about me. Dammit! So, I think I am going to go take a nap, relax (ya right) do something to keep my mind off of Jayme and stop asking her every 4 minutes "Have you had another one??" just to get a roll of the eyes and a Yes mom . . . .

Would you believe that at first she said she had a contraction at 11:02 and then 11:19. Then she mentioned that those were the "bad ones" and that there were 2 small ones in between but "they didn't count because they didn't hurt"


I seriously need to calm down, why does this freak me out so bad??????? Women having babies is NORMAL, he is 35 weeks so that is OK, She is calm and relaxed . .. .

Good lord, I have 4 daughters. I think the next grandbaby that comes (which better be in about 25 years) I will have to move to Jamaica or Africa or Antarctica or anywhere but here close, this is just too much stress for me!!!!!

Ok, I think im going to go meditate, read a book, jump out the window or something, anything, other then sitting here stressing


Sunday, August 06, 2006

34 weeks!

I am so thrilled that she has made it this far! Gabriel has such great chances now if he is born, and it seems as though just hitting this mark has relieved so much tension, at least for me. My own babies were 34 weekers, and I am pretty comfortable with the behaviour and problems that can arrive at this stage. But, of course, its not all about me, I just think it is usually!!!

Jayme is feeling rather large, and pretty uncomfortable. Babe has dropped so low in her pelvis that she finds it uncomfortable. She had an episode the other night where she thought she wet her pants, and couldn't stop peeing. I thought perhaps she had a small leak, but it stopped leaking out, so either it healed or it wasn't a tear at all. She says she feels alot more "snot" though, so I think its possible things are beginning to stir around again.

That being said, I have made "mini" goals through this pregnancy for her, I wanted 24-25 weeks (viability) and then it was 28 weeks, then it was 30 and the labor scare. After that I was hoping for 2 more weeks, and then 34 sounded good. SO, now of course, I am rooting for 36 weeks! I am trying to convince myself that if I keep setting 2 week goals, I will push her to 40 weeks! However, according to last weeks Dr. appt, that probably isn't possible. He said there was some "minimal" change to her cervix and he thought he could get her to 36 weeks. I pushed for a clearer answer, asking if we could make it to September still, considering babe is due September 17. He shook his head and said nope . . . 36 weeks, if we are lucky. So, he apparently has no real confidence in her going past that point, and making it to September.

However, he still felt no reason for bed rest. He comes from the camp that says bedrest makes no real difference in pregnancy outcomes. My perinatologist from when I had my last child had the same idea, so Jayme has been up and active. We went to the lake and low and behold . . . Jayme wore a bikini! I was shocked, in my old fuddy duddy ways, I guess I just can't imagine an 8 month pregnant woman wearing a bikini, but she was completely comfortable with it. I asked her about it but she kinda shrugged her shoulders and said "who cares?" she wasn't flippant about it, just very comfortable with her body and her pregnancy. WOW! I wish that I could have that same sense of ease and confidence that she seems to inherently hold.

Everybody has been asking her if she is scared of labor, of the birth, if she wants meds, or is worried about breastfeeding, being up at night or a host of other "problems". However she is so calm and relaxed about it. She often talks about how women have had babies for thousands of years, and she is looking forward to the process and the ritual of childbirth. To hear her talk, she sounds like a well educated young lady, well . . . I guess she is, just a very very YOUNG lady! I am so very proud of her, she has taken this experience and really grown from it. I have seen her mature in so many ways. Not just maternal ways but also just becoming stronger in herself, in the person she is.

Though I never would have believed it . . . and while I never wanted her to be a teen mom, I must admit that I am so grateful now for this experience. I wouldn't change it if I could. I have grown so much also, our relationship has deepened, this is just amazing. I never thought I would be able to say that, especially before I am holding and greeting this new little child! I can't wait!!!